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Thread: Marrage; A Mystery?

  1. #1
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    Default Marrage; A Mystery?

    Genesis 18: And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

    Ephesians 5: 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
    32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
    33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


    I have been married for 40 years. It wasn’t easy getting here either lol. We had our share of fights, heartaches, and troubles. We separated a few times and once long ago we even came close to being divorced. So close matter of fact that we were just one signature away from it. A life in the US Marines puts a lot of stress on couples and not many marriages survive it. Ours was one of the lucky ones.

    My wife was always one that tried to have dinner ready and on the table for the family when I got home. Of course the Marines didn’t always adhere to that schedule. I would tell her that when I was late just put it in the oven and I would eat it when I got home. Well, I had planned to bring a friend of mine that lived in the barracks home for a home cooked meal. My wife had really gone the extra mile to have a nice meal ready for us. On that particular day my tank platoon was getting ready for a big pre-deployment inspection when one of my guys came out and told me my wife was on the phone. Crap! We were so engrossed in getting ready for the inspection I lost track of time. I go in and get on the phone and sure enough it’s was my wife. After a brief explanation from me she asked me what I wanted her to do about dinner. I answered “You know where to stick it”. I should have thought that through before I answered lol. All I heard after that was “CLICK”. Needless to say I spent the night in the barracks that night. That was my first indicator that there was a communication problem between us lol. I have certainly learned a few things since then.

    There was another time when things had gotten really bad. We were dirt poor, no car, long separations’ because of extended deployments etc. One night she told me either get of the Marines or she was leaving. I told her to pack her stuff; because life isn’t going to get any easier whether I am in the Marines or not. If she didn’t have what it takes now then she wasn’t going to have what it takes one way or the other. That subject was never brought up again.

    Of course we have had our share of good times too. The hardships we had to overcome to get this far helped shape our marriage and made it what it is today, not the good times: and marriage has never been sweeter.

    Here are a few thoughts from me on what has gotten us through the tough times. First off we were both born again Christians. We may not have been very mature Christians early on but never the less it was a critical factor. Secondly we truly loved one another. The kind of love that keeps one another from saying and doing things to deliberately hurt, or punish the other person; I never raised a hand to her, never degraded her or otherwise was disrespectful; no matter how angry I may have been at the time. As an example the word “stupid” was never allowed to be used in my house let alone allowed to be used as a weapon towards one another or towards the children. When my wife was in the hospital with acute pancreatitis she was in intense pain. They had her on morphine with one of them buttons you push to administer the dose. She was exhausted and couldn’t get any rest; so I sat up all night and pressed the button every time she began to moan in pain. The nurse came in and explained to me that every time I pushed the button the machine would reset and would not work again for a minimum of 6 minutes. So all night I sat there and watched the clock and every six minutes and 30 seconds I’d push that button so she could get some rest. I wasn’t doing anything that any other good husband wouldn’t do. Its just what a good husband would do.

    Thirdly; and I think the most important and significant thing we did to improve the happiness and joy of marriage was to understand that neither one of us should be the center of the others life. Her first love had to be the Lord and mine too. The love for one another becomes secondary. Neither one of us would ever be able to be the spouse we ought to be to the other until we both got ourselves right with the lord first. By right I don’t mean being born again; I mean learning and understanding Gods word and then doing it. Once we understood that the lord is the source of our happiness, it’s he who defines who and what we are and not us; then everything else fell into place. Loving God first in our lives taught us how to Love, forgive, be tolerant, patient, and long suffering with one another. We come to learn that we are going to disappoint one another from time to time and frequently we are going to do and say things that don’t meet each other’s expectations. And that’s ok. We learned that our love for one another isn’t dependant on being the perfect husband or wife. On the contrary; the kind of love that makes you happy, satisfied and makes a marriage work is unconditional. When you are a born again Christian and you put God first in your life then that’s a recipe for a “Till death do you part” kind of marriage lol. Unfortunately many marriages’ fail, even Christian marriages’. Maybe they got married for all the wrong reasons, or just didn’t have the strength to get through the bad times. I don’t know. It’s not my place to judge. Certainly no one should be bound in an emotional or physically abusive marriage. There are conditions that God allows us to become divorced but divorce shouldn’t be the first course of action. Over the years I have noticed almost everyone that I have known that has gotten divorced had separate banking accounts. I find that very interesting.

    Lastly, you have to get into the bible and study god’s word. It’s my opinion that far too many divorces are caused because couples let the world define their role as husbands and wives and what that ought to be. They let the world define what love is or isn’t. They let circumstances dictate their happiness. When a couple allows that to happen then no wonder their marriage is struggling. God’s word taught me how to be a good husband and father. His word set the standard. I didn’t always live up to that standard but when I failed I never gave up. And God didn’t give up on me. It taught me how to love my wife. It outlines what my responsibilities’ are as the head of the home and that of my family. God’s word told and warned me as to what the enemy of marriages’ are. It will take awhile to understand what “And they two shall be one flesh” really means so don’t become discouraged. It’s taken me 40 years lol. The bottom line is; learn what god has to say about marriage, what it says about being a good husband and father and likewise to the woman. Then apply it to your life, It will make your marriage sweet as honey.

    God bless and see you guys on the water; if I get a kitchen pass lol.
    2010 VAO Polar Bear Overall Winner
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  2. #2
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    Like I said before. You are a huge inspiration to me on and off the water!
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  3. #3
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    Wow. Pretty awesome testimony, Jimmy.

  4. #4
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    One's faith and commitment is what keeps the marriage together during the tough times. It's pretty easy keeping it together during the good. Well said, Jimmy.
    Thank God For Rednecks

  5. #5
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    Great Jim! Love thy wife like Christ loves the church.
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